When You Judge Reaching Out For Help.
A sense of isolation. Feeling wooden, caught in a self-created straightjacket. The experience that you’re deeply alone, struggling to stay afloat, yet not reaching out for help, because you’re only barely holding on now. And yet, among it all, a slight sense of superiority, that you are here at this stage, where nothing is falling apart, even though nothing is thriving either. You’re stable, yes – but are you happy?
You are here, in a place of stability, albeit a precarious one, floating like a thin layer on an inner storm of uncertainty and volatility. Clinging to methods that keep you calm in this phase of transition, yet underneath it all, a sense of being dead, flat and numb, caught in your own version of self-critical hell. You’re doing this on your own, yes, but somewhere, somehow, you can’t help but wonder if this is truly the best you can get out of life…
Why being Independent Can’t Solve Everything.
Most of us live in societies that value human beings as independent stable reliable resources to be used. As humans, we are social creatures, yet in a framework where independence and autonomy is the highest goal, reaching out to another can usually only be perceived on the inside as a failure and a sign that you’re faulty somewhere. As a result, when you feel sad or alone, conditions are favorable for you to stay caught in your own version of hell – performing on the outside, while imploding on the inside, calm on the surface, while alone underneath.
While I don’t want you to stop thinking of yourself as being able to handle this moment in your life or anything else on your own— I have learned from experience that being stable on the outside by using methods that help you stay so, when deep down inside you feel numb and alone, isn’t the best you can get out of life. Human connection from a professional who can give it to you, especially in times of flux, is a deeply healing gift you can give yourself – even if nothing else changes. I also want you to know that reaching out for help to a coach or therapist isn’t the enemy here. It’s your fear of the consequences of doing so, that’s keeping you locked in your own prison. And those consequences? They might not even happen.
The True (and likely) Consequence of a Coaching Session.
Maybe you worry life as you know it will be forced to dramatically change, the moment you start sharing your concerns with a coach. Maybe you worry you’ll start losing all your money to coaching or therapy, the moment you sign up for a session. Maybe you worry you’ll surrender your ability to take care of yourself and be emotionally independent, the moment you reach out for help. I want you to know that, as powerful as those fears may seem, in truth, they are just painful thoughts about a future that’s still a blank.
Here’s what you can expect to happen as a result of reaching out to a coach or therapist: the moment you reach out for help, you’ll probably already feel a small wave of relief, knowing you’re no longer alone. In the days before your session, you may feel some uncertainty or trepidation at having reached out. In the first minutes of the session, you may feel vulnerable. During the session, you may feel sad, angry, lost, numb, alive, happy, misunderstood or connected. Towards the end of the session, you may likely feel a greater wave of relief, having experienced that this part of you can be seen and understood, accepted and worked with as well. Afterwards, you’ll probably feel more alive and hopeful.
This, and only the above description, is what you can realistically expect to happen when you reach out for help. As such, I do not want you to judge the thought of doing so, because doing so would amount to judging the part of you that is yearning to be heard, even now…
Wishing you well, and here for you, if you’re looking for a lifeline past your external calm…